Shop towel sexy!

So yesterday I was speaking of my friend and his escapades. He, as of tomorrow gets to play happy families because his parents are coming in from Holland. He doesn't want them to know his marriage is a sham. Anyways....on one of his trips to his local pub he was feeling frisky and was dancing and groping anyone with a pulse. This went on for some hours until he grew bored and decided to go home. He went out, got into his minivan, yes, I said minivan, and proceeded to leave the car park and head home. It was raining and he saw a "damsel in distress". She was walking in the rain. Being the "gentleman" that he is, he offered her a ride home. She accepted, and according to him, in gratefulness started to grope him as he drove. They ended up on a quiet side street and proceeded to have sex. He even talked her into "anal play". My question was HOW did they clean up after all this.? He replied that he had a bundle of clean shop towels in the back of the minivan. Can we say ewww?!!! In a time of AIDS, STD's, not to mention just overall psycho people, HOW would anyone allow this to happen. NASTY! However, it is entertaining and I do get amused when he tells me of his antics, hence me sharing them..

Agony Aunt

So this morning I get woken up by a text from a dear friend of mine. MORE relationship issues. This boy's life is like a soap opera and he always feels the need to tell me ALL about it. I have known him easily 15 years. I have tried to keep him from making mistakes but it hasn't always worked. He was a virgin until his late 20's and then he married some woman older than his own mother. Well, that was 6 or 7 years ago. NOW he has decided he wants a REAL life. Kids, someone who is interested in what he is etc. I could write a book just on his escapades! I will spend the next few posts on him. The end lesson being, DO NOT marry someone that is so much older than you are, it just can't work, even with the best intentions. Marriage is hard enough without a huge generation gap. When he wants to play his guitar, she whines it is too loud. When she is ready for bed, he is just getting ready to go out. You get the idea. No thirty something wants to be a "dad" to people older than himself and a grandpa to tweens. How his 3 times divorced wife ever thought she would keep up with him is mind boggling. She knows better now, as does he. He is now in love with someone more his age and his old wife will soon be all alone again. He is blowing my phone up, so I will get into his escapades tomorrow.

Back in the day....

So yeah, when I was like 14 or 15 a group of me and my friends decided we were bored and were going to go make some money. There was a blueberry farm outside of town and we all met there. Of course there were other people there working as well. One was this girl from school that nobody liked. Other than a few snide remarks, we all pretty much left her alone. So, the day wore on, it got to lunch time and we all went up to the tables to eat. She went in the outhouse, which wasn't a plastic more modern one, but an old wooden one. We heard a loud crack and a scream. She had fallen in! Being kids no one thought she could possibly be hurt, we just thought how funny it was. The owner of the property heard her screams and probably our laughter and came to see what was up. He and some other people fished her out and she was covered in feces as well as had toilet paper hanging from her hair and glasses. Someone called her mother and the farmer hosed her off. When her mom arrived she didn't get too close and made her get in the back of the pick up truck to ride home. That was a lifetime ago and still cracks me up. Ah, being a teenager. lol

My first blog posting!!!

I have been going to do this for years and am now finally taking the time. People are forever telling me I should write a book. In this blog and in all future postings will be things I have lived or my friends have lived through and told me about. I always wanted to be either a lawyer or a psychiatrist and unfortunately never became either. I am, however, a wife, mother and confidant to many people. Some of my postings will make people laugh, some may make people mad or make them say hmmmm.? Whatever the case, it all comes from me and my unfiltered mind. Ah, where to start. I guess I will start with something that popped in my head yesterday. I just happened to remember it when my son laughed a certain way. Funny how things trigger memories. What I remembered was this....2 of my friends and I were dropped off at a skating rink in a small town that we didn't live in. Our mother's wanted to go shopping and have us out of their hair. We were like 11 at the time. So, we were skating and having a good time when this enormous girl came in. She couldn't skate very well and kept knocking people over. For some reason we found this funny and couldn't stop laughing. She took notice and decided to confront us. She threw Erick under a bench as she skated by! Mind you, she easily made 4 of him. Anastacia and I, being the great friends we were, ran outside. lol She chased us and ended up catching me as Anastacia hid behind some cars. She ended up wrestling me to the ground and sitting on my chest. I just KNEW I was going to die. I had my eyes closed and was just hitting anything I could hit. Someone came out of the rink and got her off me. Not long after our mother's arrived. We never told them of course, but to this day if I pass a skating rink, I giggle. That was my first taste of fighting and also of experiencing what a punching bag felt like, since all I made contact with was her enormous chest!!